December 28, 2007

An Open Letter to the Toyota Motor Corp.

TO: The Toyota Motor Corp.

FR: Benjamin Kepple

RE: These annoying pop-up ads of yours

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DEAR TOYOTA MOTOR CORP.:

Recently, while browsing various sites on the Internet, I have found a most annoying advertisement from your company has disturbed my reading experience. This advertisement consists of some T-shirt wearing hipster telling me to click the advertisement in question so that all my dreams may come true -- provided my dreams in question involve Toyota automobiles. However, I can assure you after being forced to view this advertisement repeatedly, my dreams do not involve Toyota automobiles -- unless I can use one to repeatedly back over the whiny, metrosexual fuckwit actor who continually pops up and harangues me about the supposed coolness of Toyota automobiles.

Which reminds me: Toyotas are most certainly not cool automobiles. Well made, yes; get the job done, yes; cool, no. I'm sorry, but when you get down to brass tacks, a Toyota Camry sedan does not throw off an aura of: "behold my coolness despite being part of the bridge-and-tunnel crowd." No. A Toyota Camry sedan offers to others an image of: "behold my middle-aged suburbanite lifestyle and my newly-acquired tendency to obsess over the quality of local school systems. Watch as I change lanes without using my turn signal, for I am in a rush to get to Whole Foods." While I do not have any problems with this -- I myself drive a Ford Taurus, with the affectionate nickname of the Family Truckster IV -- you don't see me going around proclaiming my supposed automotive coolness, now do you? So neither should you.

Don't get me started about your hybrids, either. I'm from Michigan. I don't care. All I want in my car is a reasonably powered V6 engine. You may have convinced others that spending more money on a hybrid, in an uneconomical transaction that costs more than the potential savings in gasoline expenditures, may be "cool" and "with it" and "a way to show you care," but your Jedi mind tricks won't work on me. If I really want to save money on gas, I'll buy a subcompact or -- wait for it -- even drive less. Gee, there's an idea.

I don't know, maybe I'm a bit frustrated because these ads seem to a) crash Firefox; b) never close, despite me clicking the close button; c) launch with sound when I really don't want sound playing; and d) show up far too often for them to be anything but annoying. In any event, I would ask you, the Toyota Motor Corp., to stop running these advertisements. Also, please fire your ad agency, browbeat your marketing personnel, and use the savings generated from these activities to find a new announcer for your Lexus commercials, because he's getting about as annoying as metrosexual freakout guy. That would really make my dreams come true. I mean, I'm sorry, but if I hear that scoundrel drone on -- in that faux upper-class accent -- about the December to Remember event one more time, I'm going to vomit.

Thank you for your time and attention in this matter. Oh, you wouldn't hurt matters either if you put a plant in Michigan, which has a large corps of automobile-industry personnel eager and ready to do something other than watch daytime television.

-- BJK

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at December 28, 2007 09:03 PM | TrackBack
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