December 31, 2006

Out With the Old, and Now Let's Go Blue

AH, THE NEW YEAR. A time for reflection, and a time for hope. There are few times better than this to think about one's plans and dreams, and to again pledge to make progress towards attaining them. Further, there are few times better than this to look at the calamities and outrages which plague modern life, and to hope that in the coming year, we shall enjoy peace on earth, and good will to men.

Fortunately for my purposes, though, it's more than an hour until the New Year rolls around. That means I can spend the waning minutes of 2006 rehashing old rivalries, settling grudges, and generally rubbing salt in others' gaping wounds! Yes, there's nothing better than spending the last vestiges of an old year in a bilious display of scorn and contempt. What's that? Why yes, we do have Exhibit A ready. Here you go!


Oh, how wonderful it was to watch today as the Pittsburgh Steelers threw the Cincinnati Bengals down to the ground. Well, actually it was rather nerve-wracking and at times extremely frustrating, even though it turned out all right.

For instance, there was that fourth-quarter penalty against Steelers linebacker James Farrior for "roughing the passer," just because Farrior actually had the gall to tackle Bengals QB Carson Palmer. Now look. Even though it may have seemed to Bengals fans like we wanted to blow out Palmer's other knee, the rules of the game do permit actually tacking the quarterback and forcing him to the ground. Then there was that whole "potentially game-winning drive" the Bengals nearly pulled off at the end. Fortunately, though, that didn't work out either.

But anyway. It was a hard-fought and emotionally-draining game. That said, it had its moments -- for instance, there was that great play in the third quarter, when Pittsburgh linebacker James Harrison picked up Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson and body-slammed him into the turf. Sure, it may have cost us 15 yards, but watching Cero Puntos get slammed down into the muck of Paul Brown Stadium was worth it. Especially when they kept replaying it over and over again.

Now, as fun as it was to beat Cincinnati at home, this was magnified due to the game's importance. Cincinnati had to win if it wanted to go to the playoffs; now, they will spend the playoffs watching television due to their loss. Of course, the Steelers are in the same boat, but it was a special thing indeed to put the icing on the Bengals' cake: a cake of collapse and suffering. I mean, the Bengals weren't happy. As Palmer said after the game: "That's just another game we shouldn't have lost to another team we feel we're better than."

Yeah, well, guess what, Carson -- Ben Roethlisberger wouldn't end HIS sentences with prepositions. Face it: we beat you last year when it mattered and we beat you this year when it mattered and we'll hopefully do it again next year. Welcome to Endsville, son. We'll see you next August.

Gee, I feel better already. I guess the thought of having an essentially meaningless end to this year's football season somewhat stuck in my craw a bit. In any event, I do want to end on some positive notes:

* First off, I'd like to congratulate both the New York Jets and the Kansas City Chiefs for making into the playoffs this year. I don't think anyone knows how exactly that happened, but we're all certainly very happy about it. After all, as a result the AFC Wild Card games are going to kick ass like nobody's business.

I mean, I don't know about you, but I'm damned excited about the idea of the Chefs knocking off the evil Indianapolis Colts. Also, the Jets-Patriots game should be fun too, and a great grudge match between the teams. Besides, we needed another New England-Denver playoff like a hole in the head. Officially, I will observe the match as a disinterested spectator hopeful the game will be a good one; but there's something to be said for underdogs. Hell, even the NFC playoffs will be fun to watch -- New York at Philly? Dallas at Seattle? I'm so there. Go Giants and go Seachickens.

* Secondly, here's hoping my beloved Michigan Wolverines get the job done in the Rose Bowl Game tommorrow afternoon. The whole nation is rooting for you, except all the Bengals fans reading this post, because they know a Michigan loss would break my heart. Also, they're from Ohio anyway and so I can't really blame them for rooting against Ann Arbor -- even though I am sticking with conference loyalty and hoping Ohio State stomps all over Florida in the national championship.

But enough for now. The old year is fading fast and will soon be history; the New Year approaches. Let us hope for happy times ahead, for victories not yet won and accomplishments not yet dreamed. Let us hope for peace on earth, and good will toward men. Also, if it's not too late, let us hope Michigan has arranged for that commercial to play during the Rose Bowl -- you know, the one where the Apollo capsule with the all-Michigan crew flies around in orbit. Yeah. That'll really tick off those prepster scoundrels at USC.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at December 31, 2006 10:44 PM | TrackBack

Than is not a preposition in Carson's context. It's a conjunction with ellipsis of the dependent clause. Down with Pittsburgh and your sense of grammatical superiority.

Posted by: Cincy Grammarian at November 28, 2007 10:46 PM
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