September 20, 2004

Oh, God, No!

WASABI CLOGS the sinuses, a new study reveals. Apparently, the burning green substance may have all sorts of wonderful health benefits -- it may help prevent cancer, blood clots and even cavities -- but it will offer no relief for those of us who suffer from hideous sinus pressure:

"Actually, wasabi is a congestant," study author Dr. David S. Cameron told Reuters Health. "It makes the space of your nasal passages smaller, but it makes you feel more open."

Cameron explained that wasabi probably clogs up sinuses by increasing blood flow to the lining of the nose. That extra blood takes up space, he said, which constricts the nasal passageway.

Wasabi may make the nose feel more open, Cameron noted, by causing changes that increase the cooling effect of air breathed through the nose, or by stimulating flaring of the nostrils, which enables air to flow more easily though the nose.

Wasabi -- for those unfamiliar, it's a sort of Japanese horseradish -- is our favorite condiment on Earth. If this report is any guide, we may have to decrease or even cut out our Wasabi consumption when our sinuses are flaring up.

We cannot fully express our disgust and anguish upon learning of this development. We gave up ice cream and we gave up fruit juice and we gave up regular soda and all sorts of other things -- and now we have to give up wasabi? Good Lord, next thing we know, we'll have to start taking our meals through a straw.

We would respectively request the medical community start working on -- we don't know, something, anything -- to fix this.

MORE BAD NEWS: Public-health researcher issues study that will "help localities pass smoking bans." Gee, that's just swell.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at September 20, 2004 09:27 PM | TrackBack

I trust you mean, "We would RESPECTFULLY request the medical community start working on..."

That will be $50 for Copy Editing Services. Please make your check payable to me, and send it to me. Thank you.

Posted by: Matthew S. Schwartz at September 21, 2004 02:18 AM

I was very distraught when I wrote this.

Posted by: Benjamin Kepple at September 21, 2004 07:47 AM