September 24, 2003

Incredible New Food Breakthrough

AMERICAN FOOD SCIENTISTS have come up with a radical new invention sure to change eating habits across this great nation -- cheeseburgers and french fries combined into an easily-snackable food product!

Yes, the good people at the Advance Food Co. of Enid, Okla., have successfully welded together these two great American creations into one fat-laden, grease-dripping, artery-clogging snack! It also comes in Jalapeno flavor!

We here at The Rant fully expect our European readership to be appalled at this development. This is because in Europe, such things are considered gauche and nauseating; corruptions, if you will, of pure beef and cheese. We do not deny this fact in the slightest -- but would rather stress the portability and convenience and sedative (lit., "food coma") qualities inherent in cheeseburger fries and other fine American food products.

Indeed, we daresay that if Europeans were to eat one helping of cheeseburger fries per day, they could pull themselves up out of their economic doldrums, solve their pensions trouble, and see firm productivity shoot through the roof! After all, why would one waste perfectly good work time at lunch when one was forced to eat some of those?

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at September 24, 2003 08:06 PM | TrackBack