October 12, 2008

Things Fall Apart

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS the sorrow and anguish I feel over the Michigan Wolverines' loss to the University of Toledo Rockets on Saturday. It is as stinging a defeat as the Fall of Constantinople -- or, it would be, if the ancient city had been conquered by a company of goatherds, stable boys and trumpeters, and not the grand armies and super-cannons of the marauding Turks.

My God! Toledo! A team that's not even a good team in the Mid-American Conference! A team that last won over the pathetic Eastern Michigan Eagles! A team that lost to Florida International! How the devil could we possibly have lost this game? It was a tragedy of errors and capped off with the biggest error of all -- Michigan's kicker, K.C. Lopata, missed a 26-yard field goal. 26 yards! Even a high school player should be able to complete a 26-yard field goal.

I still don't believe our loss is the fault of Coach Rodriguez, though. He came into the situation given these cards, and now he has to play them the best he can. Once he is able to start recruiting, Michigan will rise again, like the phoenix from its ashes. We just have to get through this year. Once that happens, we can rebuild.

Now for the rest of the Saturday recap:

No. 6 Penn State 48, Wisconsin 7. OK, Penn State is scary good this year, all right? Scary. Good. Scary good Penn State plays Michigan next. Maybe Michigan can have the team bus suffer a convenient flat tire on the road to Happy Valley. Yeah. That's an idea. If that doesn't work, Michigan could suffer from a convenient case of "food poisoning." Or just have the team suddenly become "very sick." I'm sorry, but I don't want to see Penn State -- which hasn't beaten Michigan since 1998 -- take its revenge out on the Wolverines when we're down.

It is worth noting that this game featured two of the worst advertisements I've ever seen -- both for the schools themselves. *cough* SPACE. *cough*

No. 11 Florida 51, No. 4 LSU 21. Didn't see that one coming. I am sorry for the LSU Tigers. Although I have no special love for the team, I greatly dislike Florida, so I am sorry to see LSU humbled at the hands of the Gators, who are gauche and classless.

No. 17 Okla. State 28, No. 3 Missouri 23. Oops. So much for vaunted Missouri.

Mississippi State 17, No. 13 Vanderbilt 14. You would think a school that takes pride in being filled with nerds would recognize a trap game when it presents itself. I was quite sorry to see Vandy go down, as they have been the fun story to watch in the SEC this year.

Arkansas 25, No. 20 Auburn 22. Back during the 2004 presidential primary, I was -- for my day job -- at the Manchester headquarters of the Wesley Clark campaign for a story, when all of a sudden I heard guttural yelling from a back room. "What the hell was THAT?" I said, rather unnerved. Well, as it happened, it was a group of Clark volunteers engaged in the "Wooooo, Pig! Sooooie!" shout beloved among Arkansas partisans. They had just completed some important project and were celebrating. Well, woo pig. Or something.

No. 23 Michigan State 37, Northwestern 20. Uh-oh.

On the bright side of things, though, next week IS another week. So after a brief period of mourning, Wolverines fans can regroup and prepare ... well, OK, let's just hope for the best. In the meantime, we can take pride knowing that Michigan alumni rule. As evidence of this, I would note that Michigan alumni successfully indoctrinated thousands upon thousands of schoolchildren via educational television programs to have a subconscious bias towards the Wolverines. Yeah. Hail.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at October 12, 2008 09:50 AM | TrackBack
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