October 06, 2008

Remember, It Could Always Be Worse

THERE IS A NICE COMMERCIAL for Rolex watches in which various accomplished figures -- such as Roger Federer, the tennis player -- are shown performing great and incredible feats in their disciplines, with video of these accomplishments interspered with video showcasing Rolex SA's watches.

If Sage Rosenfels ever dreamed he could someday appear in one of the firm's commercials, I have some advice for him. Such as: don't wait by the phone for them to call. Also, don't even hint at asking them about it, because they'll be washing their hair. All weekend. You rotten wretched incompetent bum.

You see, Mr Rosenfels is completely responsible for the Houston Texans' stunning 31-27 loss to the Indianapolis Colts today. Not only did Mr Rosenfels fumble the ball -- twice! -- he threw an interception after those two fumbles. All told, his actions not only cost the Texans the 17 point lead they had built by the middle of the fourth quarter, they gave the Colts the desperate hope they required to actually pull off one of professional football's most amazing comebacks. Ever.

Rosenfels, you incompetent bum.

Yes, I have heard the explanations -- oh, he was trying to make plays, he was trying too hard, and so on. These would be acceptable excuses if Mr Rosenfels was a rookie one step removed from his days at Iowa State. But Mr Rosenfels has been in the league FOR EIGHT YEARS.

Now, I don't know about you, but if I was a backup quarterback in the NFL, and I had EIGHT YEARS of experience at the top echelon of the game, I wouldn't try to hurdle a platoon of angry Indianapolis defenders for an extra yard or two. Particularly because Houston's lead at this stage of the game was SEVENTEEN POINTS. All the man had to do was fall down and the game would have practically been over. Instead, he fumbled the ball after rocketing into the air, and the Colts picked it up and ran it sixty-some yards for a touchdown. This sparked a chain of events that resulted in Rocket Arm -- who had sucked for much of the game -- turning on the jets and leading the Colts to victory. As Houston defender Mario Williams told the AP:

"I've never seen anything in my life like that. For that to happen, I can't even remember seeing anything like that growing up. It's just devastating."

It is devastating -- particularly for those football fans, like me, who detest the Colts and want nothing more than to see them out of the playoffs this year. Instead of having the Colts be tied for last place with a 1-3 record, they're now 2-2 and in second place in the AFC South. That one game could well make a difference in a few months, and I'm not happy that Houston -- well, actually, just Mr Rosenfels -- blew it. The bum. The rotten wretched insipid incompetent bum.



I am glad I turned off the Michigan-Illinois game when Illinois extended its lead to 17 points at the start of the fourth quarter. For one thing, I went out to dinner with my folks, and that was a heck of a lot more pleasant than watching the Fighting Zooks kick Michigan's asses all over our own turf. For another, I probably would have put my foot through the television. 45-20? Are you kidding me? My God.

Now, I have to admit that I am taking this a lot better than I would normally. That's because Michigan is in what football fans refer to as a "rebuilding year." Or years. This is apparently because the previous coaching staff forgot to recruit, leaving our present coaching staff with players about as competent as a gang of scrappy youngsters in a summer camping movie, but who are not nearly as lovable. Even Michigan's defense, which is light-years better compared to its atrocious offense, falls apart -- although that is not really their fault. Unless the offense can, you know, do something, the defense won't have a chance in the world.

It would be nice if Michigan could manage to get to a bowl game this year. That's about all I want at this point. But after Saturday's debacle, I do wonder if spending three hours of my day off work watching the Wolverines was really the best use of my time.


THANK GOD THE BYE WEEK is here for Pittsburgh. Good Lord.

I do realize many readers may not follow the Pittsburgh Steelers as close as I do -- most undoubtedly have their own teams for which they root -- but Loyal Rant Readers should know everyone on the Steelers is hurt, injured, or out for the season due to injury. For instance, our star running back, Fast Willie Parker, was out with a knee sprain. His backup, Rashard Mendenhall, is out for the year with an injury. Fullback Carey Davis was questionable, leaving us with third-stringer Mewelde Moore as our starter, once-and-future-Steeler Najeh Davenport as an alternate, and practice squad promotion Gary Russell as an additional alternate. Heck, at the rate things were going, I would have a shot at making the Steelers' practice squad as an RB.

But I am impressed the Steelers actually managed to pull out a win against the Jacksonville Jaguars on Sunday night. I mean, my God. Our offense actually showed up -- well, at least for more than half the game -- and managed to make plays, even in the clutch. Our defense stepped up too, and prevented evil Jacksonville from pulling off their wily Jacksonville tricks to snatch victory out of the jaws of defeat. Of course, the Jaguars were banged up themselves, but a win is a win and I will take it. Now that Pittsburgh is 2 1/2 games ahead of Baltimore, which is in second place in the division, I am hopeful the Steelers will be able to quickly rack up enough of a lead so that we'll secure the division title for our own. Then, we can prepare for the playoffs.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at October 6, 2008 12:42 AM | TrackBack
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