July 24, 2008

Kiwi Name Officials: "Yeah Detroit" Banned, "Number 16 Bus Shelter" OK

A NEW ZEALAND JUDGE made a nine-year-old a ward of his court so the girl's embarrassing name could be changed, the BBC reports. This may seem a bit much, but not when you consider the girl's given name was Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.

Of course I'm not kidding. People are stupid. We know that. However, the frequency and scope of humanity's stupidity -- which is sometimes enough to make one wonder why God gave man free will -- was fully expressed in the BBC's report, which read in part as follows:

Judge Rob Murfitt said that the name embarrassed the nine-year-old and could expose her to teasing.

He attacked a trend of giving children bizarre names, citing several examples.

Officials had blocked Sex Fruit, Keenan Got Lucy and Yeah Detroit, he said, but Number 16 Bus Shelter, Violence and Midnight Chardonnay had been allowed.

One mother wanted to name her child O.crnia using text language, but was later persuaded to use Oceania, he said.

The mind boggles. I mean, what were these people thinking? One would think that even a high school education would give a parent enough sense these days to avoid naming one's child in text speak. For that matter, one would think people would have enough God-given sense to avoid burdening their get with none too subtle clues about the children's place or manner of conception. Furthermore, given the American tendency to indulge in such silliness, one wonders if we shouldn't have a legion of mandarins scouring birth certificates for embarrassing names.

I must admit surprise the Kiwis disallowed "Yeah Detroit," though. It was undoubtedly the right decision -- one expects the parents would not have named their boy Yeah Detroit if they had ever traveled the Lodge Freeway -- but out of all of the wretched names listed, at least that had kind of a ring to it. All they had to do was drop the "Yeah" and it might have worked, depending on the last name. Detroit Smith or Detroit Jones would probably have grown up to be a pretty savvy customer.

As for the parents who tried to name their kid Sex Fruit, well, that should've been enough for the New Zealanders to send them to Singapore for a good caning. And don't get me started on the parents who named their twins Benson and Hedges.

As an added bonus, the BBC has opened the comments section on this post. Among the people who have commented are a Mr Russell Sprout (!) of London.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at July 24, 2008 11:14 PM | TrackBack

Now THIS is the kind of hard-hitting journalistic muck-raking I expect from the Daily Rant. Bravo! To you, of course, not the numbskulls that named their child Number 16 Bus Shelter.

Posted by: Aaron W. Thorne at July 25, 2008 11:57 AM
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