June 28, 2008

A Traitor Walks Among Us!

RADIO TALK HOST Hugh Hewitt has some explaining to do. I can assure readers that on June 25, Hewitt -- I will not refer to him as Mr -- said the following on his syndicated radio program, which is broadcast on more than 100 stations throughout the United States:

By the way, I -- I'm still trying to find two tickets to the Ohio State-USC game. And none of the USC people will give up their tickets to me. I'd pay fair price. They -- they know Ohio State's gonna slaughter the Trojans. They know that they're gonna slaughter the Trojans, and therefore they do not want me there at the bloodbath, since it's probably the last football game we'll ever get to see before the United States gets blown up by the Islamists under Obama. I -- I would like to see Ohio State slaughter USC. This is what I'm living for right now. I'm keeping -- all the bad news, I just focus on the Ohio State upcoming slaughter of USC. So if you are a USC fan willing to sell me two or perhaps even three USC tickets to the Ohio State game, hugh@hughhewitt.com, or if you're a Buckeye fan with those tickets back in Ohio, I'll trade you some Browns tickets. New York Giants, Monday night game? Think about it. Hugh Hewitt Show.

These comments have caused certain bloggers to heap much derision upon Hewitt, although they have not focused on the prime issue. Yes, it is true Hewitt deserves a 15-yard penalty for dragging politics -- that awful, wretched curse of politics -- into a discussion about college football, which is pure and glorious and wonderful. But I don't care about that. That is politics, and as such is simply red meat for the mob.

What I do care about, however, is that Hewitt is an admitted Ohio State fan. A passionate one, in fact. Furthermore, I note that Hewitt -- according to this blog -- is also an admitted Notre Dame fan, and again, a passionate one.

True, Hewitt grew up in Warren, Ohio, a wretched burg northwest of Youngstown. This might explain his Ohio State fandom. True, Hewitt attended a Catholic high school while living in Warren, which might explain his Notre Dame fandom -- even if he is a reported Presbyterian.

But, ladies and gentlemen, Hewitt also is a graduate of the University of Michigan School of Law.

We have a major problem here.

You see, it is not as if Hewitt went to Notre Dame or Ohio State for his undergraduate work, which would partially excuse him from his delusional antics on behalf of those schools. Oh, no. Hewitt went to Harvard. Since we all know Harvard is the Michigan of the East, this only worsens his transgression against the institution which launched his career. Whether he likes it or not, he is a Michigan man, and as such he must root for the Wolverines above all or be scandalized for not doing so.

I mean, really. It was bad enough that Michael Moore, who attended the University of Michigan at Flint, has appeared on film wearing a Michigan State cap. But this perfidy is far more serious than Moore's transgression. Since his sin is more pathetic than reprehensible, Moore could easily be redeemed, for like all Spartan fans he also hates Ohio State. If he would simply drop his Spartan allegiance and return to the Michigan fold, I am sure Michigan's Alumni Directorate (our motto: imperium supra omnes) would not hold any hard feelings.

Yet one wonders whether Hewitt could even be redeemed; indeed, it is even possible he does not want to be redemeed from his wretched existence. Shocking, I know, but we cannot ignore unpleasant realities. Certainly his reported love for Notre Dame only compounds his treachery. It does not matter that Charlie Weis is a nice guy; you don't root for Notre Dame above your alma mater. Here's the truth: that's just wrong.

Given all this, I must ask Hewitt's radio listeners: can you trust a man who openly roots for the enemies of an institution where he received a degree? Furthermore, can you trust a man who would inject politics into the sacred realm of college football? Finally, since we have established Hewitt's perfidy when it comes to his college football loyalties, does it not stand to reason one can trust nothing out of the man's mouth? I mean, my God. Any man who would throw the beloved Michigan Wolverines under the bus to root for that school (and that other school) is ... well, a sad case.

As a result, I call upon fans of the University of Southern California Trojans to OPENLY MOCK Hewitt for his perfidious football loyalties and refuse to sell him any of their tickets for the game between Ohio State and USC. Besides, it's almost certain he will try to lowball you on the tickets, and then get in a snit when you hold out for market price. Ohio State fans in the Cleveland area, who might be tempted to spring for Hewitt's offer of Browns-Giants tickets, should also refuse to trade -- any man who would trade Browns-Giants tickets is a cad, a scoundrel and a fool. The Browns are going to be good this year; the idea one would give up tickets to a great game like that is further proof of Hewitt's inherent weirdness.

And if all that doesn't get Hewitt back in the Michigan tent, maybe we can have him exiled to France or something.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at June 28, 2008 10:12 PM | TrackBack
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