March 29, 2008

Hail to the Burgers

GAD, I MISS COLLEGE. Why, you ask? Well, one of the nice things about college was that it was very easy to get upset over things of practically zero consequence. At my alma mater -- the glorious and wonderful University of Michigan -- some students are upset over yet another of these piddling matters.

You see, there's a new burger joint in town. This burger joint, known as "Quickie Burger and Dogs," has as its logo a woman in cowboy dress riding astride a succulent, tasty burger, and grasping a mug of beer in her outstretched hand. This has angered a group of students on campus, who complain the logo is offensive and degrading to women. They want the owners of the establishment to change the logo accordingly. However, thanks to plucky bloggers, this eminently local and penny-ante dispute has now received national attention.

I must admit I find this whole thing very strange -- and here's the most important reason for that:

Now, although I am sure the good people at Quickie Burger have excellent food, provide prompt service and let patrons watch television while eating, there's already a perfectly good burger joint in town. That would be Krazy Jim's Blimpy Burger, at 551 S. Division St. That's less than half a mile away from Quickie Burger, which is at the corner of State and Hill.

So it seems to me that people truly upset about Quickie Burger's logo -- all six of them -- should stop whining and Take Bold and Decisive Action: namely, go to Krazy Jim's Blimpy Burger, which has been Cheaper Than Food since 1953. What's that? You think some of the students, because they're complaining about a sign logo, might not eat meat? Everyone knows Blimpy Burger has vegetarian options, such as the Veggie Burger Blimpy Style.

I mean, as long as the students follow Blimpy Burger's Important Ordering Rules, they'll be fine. True, if they inexplicably fail to follow the Important Ordering Rules, they "may risk the scorn and derision of the cooks and be subject to groans of agony from the patrons in line." You think I kid? That quote's from Blimpy Burger's own Web site.

Of course, healthy competition is good for everyone, and I am sure the burger market in Ann Arbor is big enough for both restaurants to coexist, even if they're within half a mile of each other. I am also sure that Quickie Burger, based on reports of its popularity, serves up a good burger. Still, speaking as an alumnus of the University, I can't see why anyone would eat a burger at any place other than Blimpy Burger: if only because the roughly 2.1 billion burger combinations available at Blimpy Burger allow everyone to get what they want, made how they like it.

The Rant, for the record, orders a quad with blue cheese and grilled onions, on an onion roll, and has an order of fried mushrooms to go along with it. How could it be otherwise? For some things, like Blimpy Burger, are timeless. Also, I can assure you that when I walk into Blimpy Burger next month and order this, it will be just as good if not better than when I had this very meal ten years ago.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at March 29, 2008 07:20 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Ah, Blimpie. This reminds me of our many production-weekend sojourns to that temple of burgerdom.

Your preferred Blimpie order is indeed excellent, but it could, indeed, be otherwise. My favorite: quint with cheese (usually cheddar), bacon, grilled mushrooms, grilled onions, on an onion roll with mayo, mustard, and pickles. Side of fries. It's been years since I've had one of those. Mmmmm....

Posted by: Geoff Brown at March 30, 2008 08:51 AM
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