March 20, 2008

It's That Time of Year Again: Basketball Haikus!

ONCE AGAIN, THE RANT shall look at one of America's truly great sporting events, the NCAA Division I men's basketball tournament, and record the glory and the heartbreak, the suspense and the excitement, the victories and defeats -- in haiku. The first day of this year's tournament was an interesting one, so let us begin with an introductory poem:

March to the trenches
the autumn wind, a pirate
-- oops, that's the wrong sport

Sorry. My brain is tired; very tired; for I can assure you I got home from work at like 10:15. Let's try again, shall we?

Alas, Michigan
Basketball is not your game
and Threet's your QB

Well, two out of three lines isn't bad, anyway. Anyway, now that I'm in a basketball frame of mind, now let's commence:


A project beating
was delivered on Winthrop;
not pretty to watch.

A team with high hopes
folded like a cheap lawn chair;
it completely sucked.

Winthrop's grim humbling,
that brutal execution,
shan't be forgotten;

After all, Winthrop
used to be an all right team;
what the hell happened?

No. 2 DUKE, 71; No. 15 BELMONT, 70

You rotten bastards!
Escaping by just one point!
Damn your wretched luck!

How the world wished
Stinking Duke would crash and burn;
all would seem just, then;

But you shan't escape;
for sharks circle the wounded,
and laugh at weakness.

May you fall broken
in the second round of play;
that would be enough!

No. 11 KANSAS STATE, 80; No. 6 USC, 67

Song Girls' beauty
will not mask your grim failure;
nor soothe gaping wounds.

Your loss carries joy
to the great plains of Kansas;
I exult with them.

Slain at Omaha,
and the multitudes rejoice;
how could one blame them?

Remember -- palmam
qui meruit ferat -- aye,
recall, and shudder.

No. 3 XAVIER, 73; No. 14 GEORGIA, 61

Our brackets are saved!
cried the people 'cross the land;
Xavier came back!

Rome's faith had wavered
in the Cincinnati squad,
but then, that last half!

How did Georgia fall?
Did Providence take action,
skew the final score?

Well, no, one doubts that --
for it is just basketball;
but God is cryptic.

That's it for this edition of NCAA Basketball Haikus. But we've got plenty of basketball to go, too, so let's make the most of it!

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at March 20, 2008 11:44 PM | TrackBack
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