November 04, 2007

Ah, Crap

WELL, I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN. The one day in my life I end up rooting for Mr Sign My Melon Rocket Arm, he manages to blow it and lets the New England Patriots salt away their -- dammit -- ninth victory of the season. I am so annoyed right now. Here the Colts are, up 20-10 with nine minutes left, and they let the Patriots score two touchdowns in half that time? What the hell? And then Laser Rocket Arm fumbles the ball and it goes right into the arms of the Patriots' Roosevelt Colvin, practically putting the game on ice? Come on.

Oh, I know, I should look on the bright side. After all, this will only make the classic matchup between New England and the glorious Pittsburgh Steelers on Dec. 9 even better, because it will give Pittsburgh -- the league's top defensive team, I would note -- a chance to ruin the Patriots' perfect season. It would be just and right for the Steelers, America's favorite football team, to crush the Patriots -- or at least beat them on a last-second, Jeff Reed field goal. Because you know the weather is going to be just awful on Dec. 9, and it will be a glorious football game, and it's going to be difficult to throw those long bombs when the field is covered with ice.

Besides, SOMEBODY has to stop them and it may as well be us. Why not us? It's not like anybody else on the Patriots' schedule will be able to do it, particularly when you look at their divisional games. Crikey.

But I shouldn't get ahead of myself here. We must defeat the evil Baltimore Ravens tomorrow night. No, we must rout them and crush them and leave them pleading for mercy, only to have our defensive line mock them with impunity. After all, Baltimore is 4-3 and beating them would put us two games up above them in the AFC North. If we -- heaven forbid -- actually lost to the Ravens, that would mean they would be tied with us in the division. For that matter, the Cleveland Browns would be tied with us in the division, and we'd have three teams at 5-3. (The Browns just beat the Seahawks in overtime, amazingly enough, 33-30).

Wait a minute. The Browns are 5-3. How'd that happen?

In other football news, the Detroit Lions pulled a New England on the Denver Browns and beat them 44-7. Now the Lions are 6-2. Now the Lions are in Serious Playoff Contention. What the hell's next, a plague of locusts?

That's about all I could find noteworthy and exciting this week in pro football -- after all, the Steelers didn't play today, so that kind of made things somewhat blahed -- but I will soldier on, even though I'll now be subject to more nauseating hype about the Patriots for several weeks. Maybe I need to move back to Michigan, or Pennsylvania, or California; I mean, at least in those places I could escape all the hype about the Patriots. Oh, and maybe I could find an affordable house. But I'm in New England, for God's sake. Ugh.

Actually, to be "sporting," I suppose I should offer my congratulations to the Patriots. They did play a hell of a football game, and they didn't beat the Steelers, and the way I see it, it's possible they could really play great throughout the entire season and then blow it in the playoffs, like San Diego did last year. That's the great thing about football -- it could happen!

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at November 4, 2007 07:32 PM | TrackBack

Dear Ben,

This is just recompense for your going over to the dark side. Rooting for Mr. "Cut that Meat" was simply inexcusable. You must now repent by taking the NEP off of your most-hated list.

On another note, I disagree with you about the rest of the Pats' schedule. They still have to play the Giants, the Ravens, and your Steelers -- all likely playoff teams. Then there's Miami and the Jests, which, of course, shouldh't be too tough, but the Bills have brought themselves up to almost-respectability, and can't be overlooked. And then there are the Eagles, which will, I'll grant you, be a gimmee.

Still, that's still at least three tough games to go, and one potential surprise. So I would hardly count on an undefeated season.


PS--The housing is even more unaffordable here in California, I'm sad to report, because we'd love to see you come back. But there are a ton of foreclosures on the market these days ...

Posted by: Chris Weinkopf at November 5, 2007 01:37 PM

Hi Chris,

God. I felt like I had to take a shower after that game. Ugh -- rooting for Peyton Manning felt so dirty.

I was thinking, though, surely housing EVERYWHERE in California can't be hideously expensive, can it? I mean, what if I moved to Barstow or something? Or Needles? Or Baker? Barstow: it's got an In-N-Out Burger!

Posted by: Benjamin Kepple at November 5, 2007 08:19 PM
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