September 26, 2007

Non Credo Quia Absurdum

SO TODAY, AS I bemoaned the fate of my Hines Ward car magnet, one of my colleagues at work politely suggested that -- horror of horrors -- a Pittsburgh Steelers fan might have swiped my decal praising everyone's favorite wide receiver. Then, I got an e-mail from my friend Chris suggesting the exact same thing, viz. and to wit:

Now, Ben, you and I both know it would be beneath the dignity of a Pats fan to touch that silly thing. Clearly the OTHER Steeler fan in New Hampshire, mindful of how hard such items are to come by in the Granite State, was the one who swiped it. Indeed, he probably was watching the game with you at your Steeler sports bar last week, and spotted and grabbed your magnet when he went outside to relieve himself.


Admittedly, for a moment, I considered this possibility. But then I realized that my parents had picked me up that day to go to the sports bar -- which is a Patriots bar, I should note, but devotes a special room to the Steelers games. Ergo, that couldn't have happened. As my Hines Ward magnet went missing sometime between Saturday night and Tuesday afternoon, and there are a lot more Patriots fans than Steelers fans in New Hampshire, it stands to reason that a Pats fan swiped my car magnet. Thus, the idea of a Steelers fan stealing my magnet is -- well, I just can't believe it.

After all, no Steelers fan -- particularly if he was an honest-to-God Yinzer -- would ever deface another Steelers fan's automobile. That is just not done in the Iron City, or anywhere else in the Rust Belt / the Foundry / the Greater Chicago-Pittsburgh Metroplex. Besides, the Steelers fan would undoubtedly have enough Pittsburgh memorabilia -- perhaps even one of those giant, 48-square-foot "You're in Steelers Country" banners -- to make taking the decal pointless. Thus, it is a theory I just can't believe, and I can't believe it because it is impossible.

I can, however, understand why a Patriots fan would take my magnet. After all, we have five Super Bowl victories, while they only have three. Jealousy makes people do strange things sometimes.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at September 26, 2007 08:46 PM | TrackBack
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