February 04, 2007

A Grudging Congratulations to the Indianapolis Colts

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Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this long offseason. Electric phrase, the off-season, it’s like forever and that’s a mighty long time. But I’m here to tell you, there’s seven months – until the fall. The fall of never-ending happiness; you can always watch a game, day or night.

So as our teams get ready for the coming year – you know, like Pittsburgh or Cleveland or New England – instead of asking how much they can win, ask them how much they can survive, baby. Because in football, things are much harder than in the off-season. In football, they’re on their own!

-- Prince, "Let's Go Crazy"
(well, OK, not really)

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WELL, THANK GOD we finally had a Super Bowl where the teams were actually forced to compete out in the elements. While perhaps not as wretched as one might have hoped – although it doesn’t snow in Miami – the driving rain was a nice touch. For one thing, it made the game fundamentally more challenging for both sides, as the turnovers and occasional blown plays showed. For another, it meant Indianapolis was actually forced to play in the elements, something which they only face a few games a year.

Hmmm. Indianapolis. Well. I suppose the Colts deserve congratulations for their victory, although it feels more like the Bears lost the Super Bowl more than the Colts won it. The utter incompetence of Chicago quarterback Rex Grossman, plus the general malaise of Chicago’s offense, allowed the Colts to wear down the formidable Chicago defense. As for the Colts’ defense, they beat Chicago like a drum.

Before the game, many said the idea of Chicago winning the Super Bowl was unpalatable due to Grossman’s generally wretched play this season. But the game itself proved Grossman’s wretched play would preclude Chicago from capturing another Super Bowl ring. The Rant’s thoughts on Chicago’s play can be summed up in three words: put in Griese.

I was gratified to see that Peyton Manning, the Colts quarterback for whom I have nothing but loathing and contempt, did not shoot the lights out during the game -- although even I must admit he played a generally competent game, especially with those little quick passes over center that confounded Chicago. That said, I enjoyed seeing Chicago “sign Peyton’s melon” in the fourth quarter. Christ, I thought it was never going to happen.

But ah well. The Rant would like to offer its congratulations to Coach Tony Dungy and the entire Indianapolis Colts organization – except Peyton Manning – for winning Super Bowl XLI. Generally speaking, the Colts showed they deserved to win the game, especially considering the way they carried their lame, overrated quarterback throughout the post-season.

Also, I would like to offer my sincere congratulations to Dan Kepple, my stalwart cousin and longtime fan of the Indianapolis Colts, on the occasion of his team’s Super Bowl victory. Despite Dan’s perfidious football loyalties and his clearly questionable judgment, this is his team’s year, and I must congratulate him accordingly. Besides, he’s not rooting for Baltimore, which really would have caused problems.

As for the rest of us, here’s the real thing we can all take away from Super Bowl XLI: while the Colts have captured the Vince Lombardi Trophy this year, they have about two weeks to exult in their victory. That’s because as of now, the slate is now clean, and all the teams in the National Football League will again be on an equal footing to compete for the trophy in Super Bowl XLII.

It will soon be time to get back to work.

P.S.: Do you like football? Do you consider spending seven months without football worse than fire ants attacking you en masse? If you answered “yes” to both these questions, dig my Handy Guide to Off-Season Football This Year.

P.P.S.: ARENABALL starts in 26 DAYS!

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at February 4, 2007 10:01 PM | TrackBack
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