January 08, 2007

I Don't Frickin' Believe It

YOU KNOW, THIS HAS BEEN A pretty tough football season here at The Rant. While my Michigan Wolverines performed quite admirably this year, they lost to Ohio State again and then were soundly defeated by USC in the Rose Bowl. The Pittsburgh Steelers were subpar all season and didn’t make the playoffs. Then, the few teams I liked which made the playoffs all got knocked out, so now it will be hard to root for any Super Bowl contender. As for college bowl season, that’s pretty been pretty grim too.

That’s not to say there haven’t been victories along the way. For instance, it was nice when Penn State knocked off Tennessee and Wisconsin beat Arkansas, and Rutgers won too, which was fun. But everything else during bowl season has kinda sucked. Navy lost a squeaker and Iowa went down fighting and Wake Forest got felled. And now – oh, God.

I’m sorry, but the idea of frickin’ Florida – that wretched, godawful, miserable uncivilized excuse for a university – being named National Champion of College Football makes me nauseous. What the hell happened to Ohio State?

As one can deduce, I had gone into the game thinking Ohio State would win, and as a result, I figured the boosters of the Southeastern Conference might actually shut up for a week. But now we’re going to have to listen to them go on about how wonderful the SEC is and how it is supposedly superior to every other football conference in America, even though none of its teams could handle a game in the snow.

What’s that? Of course it’s ungracious of me to react this way. It’s pre-emptive, reactionary ungraciousness. But there’s nothing wrong with that in this case, because we’re dealing with the SEC. These guys have ungracious down cold. I mean, just look at that moron Auburn coach who was complaining about his team’s ranking in the fifth week, only to see his team to get knocked on its ass the next week. And just look at Florida coach Urban Meyer’s classless whining about the national championship game itself. Hell, look how the man egged on the Florida crowd late in the fourth quarter. You don’t see Big Ten coaches pulling those types of shenanigans.

Before this year, I was never much of a believer in the idea of conference loyalty, but let me tell you, I’m sold now.

Fellow alumni of the Big Ten Conference, I propose that during the college football postseason, we all root for the SEC to be destroyed in all its bowl appearances, and also root for the general humiliation of the Pac 10 and the ACC. Further, I propose we all root for our fellow Big Ten schools to kick ass in their bowl appearances. Also the MAC, because they’re our peeps. And Big East schools, as individual circumstances permit.

But since we’ll have to wait until next year to unleash this grand strategy, in the meantime I suppose I ought congratulate Florida on playing an excellent game. Their defense was top-notch and their offense also performed extremely well, and despite that great kickoff return at the start, Ohio State couldn’t seem to get things going. So, congratulations to all the Florida players.

Anyway. College football season is over. Pro football season – as much as I want Smartyball to triumph in the Super Bowl – may as well be. So while I’m counting down the days until arenaball starts, here’s hoping the (well, at least my) 2007 football season will turn out better than it did in 2006.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at January 8, 2007 11:56 PM | TrackBack
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