June 30, 2006

An Open Letter to That Guy in the Other Car

SIR: I’M CONCERNED that after our close encounter in the parking lot of the Taco Bell on Thursday afternoon, you may not have been able to tell exactly what I was saying after you nearly ran into me and the Family Truckster. Therefore, I would like to advise you that you are … uh … an intellectually-challenged personage of unfortunate parentage who should consider remedial instruction in the art of driving a car. Yeah.

That’s just for starters. Personally, if I was a balding thirty-something driving a foreign econobox sedan, and I had a haircut and mustache that made others think I was nostalgic for the late Seventies, I would seek professional help. Fortunately, I do not have these troubles, but you, my friend in the other car, should soon head to Supercuts, where you can get a decent haircut for about $15. It’s possible that a decent haircut could improve your vision, which might prevent you in future from zooming around a corner heedless of other traffic in the area.

Now, I realize you, my friend in the other car, might not realize why I was so upset. After all, both of us were certainly able to stop in time before any collision occurred. However, my giant 32 ounce Taco Bell soda – that was one full quart of Diet Pepsi – was not as fortunate. It flew out of the drink holder and onto the passenger-side floor. The soda burst through the flimsy plastic top holding it in the cup, and covered the entire passenger-side floor in what can best be described as a syrupy ichor. This was impossible to clean up.

What? What did you say? That part of the upholstery was already shot? Look, pal, the damned mess reeks of … well, Diet Pepsi left out in a hot car all day. Now I’m going to have to get the Truckster detailed, and there are few things that annoy me more than having to spend money due to other people’s stupidity. I mean, my own mistakes are bad enough as is.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at June 30, 2006 05:09 PM | TrackBack
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