March 14, 2006

Kids! It’s Yet Another Mediocre Quiz Time!

SOMETIMES, people write blog quizzes which make a blogger look deeply into his soul and ponder the very mysteries of life itself. Then, people write quizzes like the one I’m taking here. They’re worth doing, but they’re not anything that makes one get up in the morning and say, “Gee, that quiz I took last night really helped me gain perspective on my life. I’m going to take up knitting and start drinking soy milk!”

Actually, I ought not joke about drinking soy milk, as a glass of coffee-flavored soy milk is a fine dessert and one I enjoy. That said, this quiz is just kind of blah. It’s only somewhat inspiring and somewhat interesting. However, I’m going to fill it out anyway, just because the only alternative entertainment seems to be watching some horrible Norm MacDonald comedy special.

Also, I should note that due to scheduling issues, I filled out this quiz over two days, which may explain why some answers seem a bit odd. But hey. I take all due care when it comes to my posts.

So, without further ado, here I go:

1. Grab the nearest book to you, turn to page 18 and find line four:

The sentence incorporating the fourth line is: “Rulers for centuries have also been fond of stamping their likeness on gold coins, to circulate throughout their kingdoms and abroad.”

That’s from Peter L. Bernstein’s “The Power of Gold: the History of an Obsession.” Ah, gold. Gold, gold, gold. Say, this would be a good time to link to that file I found on the Internet of Monty Python’s “The Money Programme” sketch (via Boston Gal's Open Wallet). Here you go!

See, now wasn't that fun? That's being hosted on something called YouTube. I have no idea what YouTube is, but it seems cool.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you find?

I should probably visit the gym. I have no muscle tone at all.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Well, I don’t know if this counts, because I had the sound turned off and this was playing in the background, but that would be “Poor White Trash,” a movie making fun of, well, unsophisticated rural whites, which was playing on the Comedy Central network. I was waiting for later programs to start.

You know how you can tell a movie is bad just from its cinematography? Well, this was one of those movies. It was -- from the look of it -- a mindless film with mindless jokes and mindless characters and it clocked in at a mindless 85 minutes.

Yes, I know I should’ve had CNBC on in the background instead. I’m sorry – it’s just I wasn’t in the mood to deal with Jim Cramer.

4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Right now, I’m listening to Sarah McLachlan’s “Afterglow,” and –

What? Well, I’m sorry. I think I should be allowed, in the privacy of my own home, to express my sensitive and romantic side. This is one way to do it with the dignity and reserve one expects from me.

5. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Earlier today. I was traveling from my car to my apartment, and was exposed to the noxious outdoors for an estimated 30 seconds. Fortunately, I was able to get inside quickly, as any longer would have probably upset my sinuses something fierce.

6. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

Well, that’d be the computer monitor right in front of me. See, I told you it was a mediocre quiz. What did I look at indeed. Crikey.

7. What are you wearing?

Aren’t we personal? Well, if you must know, I’m wearing gray slacks and a blueish kinda-checkered shirt.

8. Did you dream last night?

Not that I remember. I don’t often remember my dreams. When I do remember them, they are usually nightmares. I don’t know why this is. However, I suspect my feverish imagination combines with my natural neuroses to concoct wild and outlandish dreams which have little relation to real life.

9. When did you last laugh?

I recently saw the “South Park” episode where Cartman cooks up a wild and outlandish scheme to humiliate his tormentor, Scott “Thyestes” Tenorman. Oh my God.

10. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

There are three things on the walls of my kitchen/living room. The first is a giant poster of a tropical island, which commands those viewing it to relax. The second is a print hanging next to my desk. It’s an unremarkable nature scene which I bought because it fit the blank spot on the wall. The third is a wooden crucifix over my desk.

11. Seen anything weird lately?

I live in Manchester, New Hampshire. I haven’t seen anything weird since … well, since I lived in Venice, Calif. That was frickin’ Grand Weird Station.

12. What do you think of this quiz?

I’ve taken better.

13. What is the last film you saw?

In the theatre, it was “Aeon Flux.” The wretchedness of “Aeon Flux” helps explain why I don’t go out to the theatre much.

14. If you turned into a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

Peace of mind. Which is to say, a balanced portfolio of income-producing equities and Treasury bonds. Yeah.

15. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.

Sorry, too vague, you lose.

16. Do you like to dance?

We can dance if we want to! We can leave your friends behind! ‘Cause your friends don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, then they’re no friends of mine!

17. Imagine your first child is a girl, what would you call her?

Now here’s a good question! I’ve always found this tougher to answer than the name for a boy. To my mind, a girl’s name has to be feminine, but not cutesy; it has to be well-regarded, but not pretentious; it has to be chosen with all due care and respect for her future.

While I’m a firm believer in having each spouse wield “veto power” when it comes to naming children, I must say I would be inclined to follow my (eventual, God willing) wife’s lead in a case like this. I am certain she would give these types of considerations all due thought, and decide accordingly. That said, I am partial to names like Rachel, Elizabeth, and so on.

18. Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you call him?

John or James, both of which are names which run in the family. He’d need a good middle name too. It couldn’t be Benjamin, because he would already have a “family name” as his first name. Thus, his middle name would have to be slightly different, and by “slightly different,” I mean “so traditional, it wouldn’t raise an eyebrow, even if I went back in time to 1953.”

19. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Absolutely! But only if it was a cool country like Mexico, Italy, or another country which I liked. Plus, I’d only want to live there part of the year. I like living here in America, so I’d probably stick around.

20. What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?

“You’re forgiven.”

WELL, that was easy. Took me a little while, but worth it, I guess. I got the quiz from Sheila, who was also only somewhat impressed with it.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at March 14, 2006 08:08 PM | TrackBack