November 13, 2005

If Maddox Starts, That's an Emergency

OH MY GOD, I can't believe that Charlie Batch, the Pittsburgh Steelers' backup quarterback, broke his passing hand in tonight's game against the Cleveland Browns. Quite frankly, if a plague of locusts had descended upon Heinz Field tonight, it would not have been worse.

In part, that's because the locusts might have plagued Tommy Maddox, Pittsburgh's third-string quarterback, to the point where he couldn't throw the football. As such, this would prevent Maddox from throwing any interceptions. Prior to the game tonight, he threw 3 interceptions on 28 attempts, and during tonight's game the interception he threw was nullified due to a defensive penalty.

I mean, Maddox's performance was so bad tonight that even the ESPN Sunday Night Football announcers were rooting for him to throw a complete pass. One of 'em -- I think it was Theismann -- even said, "Come on, Tommy." It's pretty pathetic when the ESPN Sunday Night idiots stop insulting Maddox and start openly sympathizing with him.

The worst thing about Maddox is that, because he is so awful, his very presence in a game strikes fear and nausea into Pittsburgh Steelers fans everywhere. Consider the conversation I had with my brother, a Cleveland Browns fan, when it was announced Maddox was starting the second half in tonight's game:

*RING* *RING* *RING*
(Jesse picks up).
JESSE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ME: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Of course, it was a minute or so later that Maddox managed to hand the ball off, in a reverse-kinda-play, to none other than wide receiver Antwaan Randle El, who then threw the ball 51 yards to fellow wide receiver Hines Ward for a touchdown, prompting the following call:

*RING* *RING* *RING*
(Jesse picks up).
ME: Who's laughing now?! WHO'S -- LAUGHING -- NOW?!
JESSE: I can't believe that actually happened.

Now that the game is over -- and Cleveland got their heads handed to them, 34-21 -- let's look at the statistics for the game:

PASSING:

Maddox, T.: 4/7 for 22 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT* (* 0 due to penalty)
Randle El, A.: 1/1 for 51 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT

RUSHING:

Randle El, A.: 2 attempts for 10 yards; long, 12.

RECEIVING:

Randle El, A.: 2 receptions for 19 yards; long, 15.

PUNT RETURNS:

Randle El, A.: 3 returns for an average of 5.3 yards; long, 8.

Also, once upon a time, Randle El was starting quarterback for the University of Indiana football team.

Clearly, Antwaan Randle El should take over as backup quarterback until Charlie Batch is healed. Presently, wide receiver Randle El is the "emergency quarterback," and plays that position only in the event none of the QBs can do the job. To my mind, the possibility that Tommy Maddox might start for the Pittsburgh Steelers qualifies as a Grade A, bona fide, four alarm damn-the-torpedoes emergency, and as such, Randle El needs to get the nod if Roethlisberger or Batch can't start next week.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at November 13, 2005 11:59 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Great idea. I fully concur with your Randle El at quarterback solution until Big Ben gets back in the line up and Charlie Batch's hand heels up. With Maddox there is no potential for offensive production from the qb position and the likihood of disaster looms with every snap of the ball. If Randle El practiced at the qb position during the week and a game plan was tailored to his special skills, I think we could get some limited production from the qb position, keep the defense guessing and hopefully avoid a repeat of the Tommy Maddox fiasco vs. Jacksonville. Let's hope Coach Cowher is giving this concept some serious thought.

Posted by: Swammi in Solon at November 14, 2005 12:23 PM

I agree with you 100%. Tommy Maddox should never play in another footaball game, at least as a steeler. I am a huge steelers fan, but I'm not a Bill Cower fan at all. If Maddox playes this Sunday, Cower should be fired. He has made way too many poor coaching decisions that have cost the steelers wins this season. I think my girlfriend could throw the ball better than Maddox can. He is by far the worst QB playing the game right now. WHY WON'T THE STEELERS RELEASE HIM??????? It makes no sense to even have him on the roster. Side note, Big Ben and Willie Parker are the best things to ever happen to the Steelers in a long time. Go Steelers!!!!

Posted by: Phil D at November 17, 2005 08:21 AM

I can't speculate on why the Steelers won't release Maddox, although contract issues might play a part in that. After all, he was the backup for quite some time. As for Cowher being fired, that will never happen. Firing a coach is one of those "the Rooneys would never do something like that" things.

Posted by: Benjamin Kepple at November 17, 2005 10:17 PM