January 10, 2005

Comrades! Struggle Valiantly to Get a Haircut!

IN AN EVIL SCHEME to convince the Western world there are absolutely no problems whatsoever in North Korea, Pyongyang has declared war upon the latest social menace lurking about: men with bad haircuts!

No, we're not kidding. The BBC reports the North Korean Government is singling out and humiliating men with bad haircuts, going so far as to harass their wives and condemn their workplaces. Yes, they can do that there. And the campaign -- "Let Us Trim Our Hair in Accordance with Socialist Lifestyle" -- is moving fast; so fast, we daresay they'll have a concentration camp People's Glorious Revolutionary Retraining Facility up in no time.

However, we have to think a Lot of People are going to get in Serious Trouble for publicizing this all over North Korea. After all, a certain someone perms his hair regularly. Surely the bureaucrats in Pyongyang are not suggesting their Dear Leader was in error when he decided Elvis was a paragon of the juche (self-reliance) idea.

Still, we are glad to see North Korea, as we said, has absolutely no problems with which to deal. Therefore, it seems to us the world could dispense with all those offers of economic aid and technical assistance with the country's nuclear-power plants -- which of course are used for entirely peaceful purposes. After all, North Korea doesn't need our help anyway. For that would contradict the juche idea, and how could one ever argue with the juche idea? One could not.

But let us not dwell on such small matters. After all, life in North Korea doesn't just mean taking part in the Festival of Patriotic Songs every other weekend -- it also provides many other benefits! As One Free Korea notes:

Besides plenty of "solidarity," what else can you find in Pyongyang? Bowling! A KFA tour means you get the near-exclusive use of what's obviously a multi-million dollar bowling alley bought with money that didn't go to buy food or medicine for starving people that North Korea wants us to believe it really, really wishes it could feed, but for all those natural disasters.

They have bowling TOO? Gee, never mind the haircuts -- comrades! Let us struggle to get strikes and spares for the advancement of the nation!

(via NKZone)

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at January 10, 2005 12:45 AM | TrackBack

Did I say Death Camps? I meant Happy Camps.....

Posted by: simon from jersey at January 10, 2005 09:07 AM