January 04, 2005

Rant Accounting Dept. Does Happy Dance

by HARRIS SCHWED
Financial Rant

HAMILTON, Bermuda -- Benjamin Kepple's Daily Rant, Inc., released its traffic numbers for the year 2004 today. The figures represent the highest-ever viewership of content at the site, even though the firm faced what officials called "major negative externalities," such as really bad colds.

Conservative estimates for FY 2004 reveal the site had 39,972 unique visitors and 95,623 visits in total. These figures do not include robot or other automatic traffic, nor do they include figures from Dec. 8, which company officials said were inexplicably lost in a computer failure. However, more liberal estimates -- calculated via a different program and extrapolated for all twelve months -- show the site may have had as many as 63,955 unique visitors, and a total of 152,996 total visits during FY 2004. These work out to daily averages of 110 unique visitors per day in the conservative scheme and 175 in the liberal scheme, with total visits estimated at 261 and 419 per day respectively. Half of the visits came between October and December.

"Well, either way you cut it, we're still pretty stunned at this," said Benjamin Kepple, The Rant's chief executive. "Given our large traffic uptick continuing since the end of the third quarter, we see significant room for improvement upon these already great results."

Traffic for the first four days of 2005 is approximately 35 percent of the traffic seen during all of January 2004, Kepple said.

"We are downright amazed at the site's popularity and wish to sincerely thank our readers for their continued readership," Kepple said. "We would also like to extend a special thanks to Ted Hamilton, our chief financial officer. Sadly, Ted could not be with us today, as he has scurvy related to over-work. But we'd still like to thank Ted for his month's worth of non-stop labor tallying up the numbers."

"We're sending Ted a fruit basket," Kepple added. "It's got these nifty tangerine-orange hybrid thingies."

Based upon traffic figures, the company revealed that approximately 90 pc of The Rant's visitors were American, while 10 pc came from outside the United States.

Leading non-American nations were Canada (1.44 pc), Japan (1.1 pc), Germany (1.1 pc) and Italy (1.1 pc). Lagging non-American nations included Vietnam (16 visits), Syria (5 visits), Rwanda (3 visits), Venezuela (2 visits), land controlled by the Palestinian Authority (1 visit), and Myanmar (1 visit).

"We have no idea how anyone from Myanmar managed to get access to the Internet, much less visit the site," Kepple said. "But as long as our visitor wasn't in the junta, we'll be happy."

83 pc of the site's visitors arrived through direct bookmarks or typing in the site address, while 9 pc arrived through search engines and 6 pc arrived through trackbacks or links. The remainder arrived through unknown means. Of these visitors, a full 5 pc spent more than an hour at the site during their visit.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at January 4, 2005 09:15 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Congratulations on a great year at The
Rant. The traffic levels and growth rates are excellent. I would think all these strong numbers will prove to be very useful in The Rant's ongoing defense against the S.E.C. investigation into hyping your stock.

I hope Ted will be back on his feet (and standing up straight and tall) in the very near future as he recovers from his bout of scurvy. It's a nasty disease that has felled many overworked accountants.

Posted by: Swammi in Solon at January 4, 2005 10:16 PM

We weren't going to mention the pending regulatory action, but yeah :-D.

Posted by: Benjamin Kepple at January 5, 2005 05:34 PM