September 17, 2004

A Distinctive Aura of Crappiness

THERE ARE few things in life which we reckon are doomed to fail right from the get-go. Even the most badly-conceived business venture may have a chance at success, and even the most foolish ideas may become workable inventions. Yet once in a great while, an idea comes along that is so particularly horrible that it carries with it a Distinctive Aura of Crappiness.

We would submit this proposed film, which People magazine informs us about, has that in spades:

Paris Hilton, 22, is still in line to play Daisy Buchanan, the object of bootlegger (and lavish partygiver) Jay Gatsby's affection, in a proposed movie remake of the 1925 F. Scott Fitzgerald novel The Great Gatsby, to be produced by 'N Sync veteran Lance Bass, reports FOX News and The Washington Post. Though Bass initially planned to star as Gatsby, The O.C. actor Chris Carmack reportedly is now in line for the role (played by Robert Redford in the much-maligned 1974 version; Mia Farrow played Daisy), and The Sopranos daughter Jamie-Lynn DiScala also is said to be penciled in for a role.

Dear God in Heaven. Doesn't the very idea seem to reek of failure? After all, if Redford and Farrow couldn't pull it off, how the devil would Paris Hilton and That Guy manage to escape the putrefying stench of stupidity and incompetence that would surround such a production?

(link via Sheila)

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at September 17, 2004 02:10 PM | TrackBack

For some reason, I am stuck on the fact that LANCE BASS is producing. He's an ex-member of a boy band ... so ... his credentials for producing a film are ...???

I just ... I have nothing to say. It is an abominable idea and will never ever work. We can take cold comfort in that.

Posted by: red at September 17, 2004 03:41 PM


I am not an expert on movie production, but if Bass is producing it, wouldn't that merely mean he is shoveling a whole bunch of money into the project thinking it would pay off? Wouldn't an exec producer do all the work?

Posted by: Benjamin Kepple at September 17, 2004 05:34 PM

Right - but producers too are responsible for getting the entire team together, the crew, the photographers, etc. And what the heck would he know about that?

Maybe he's just executive producing ... like: This is my idea, here's the money.

I can just see Lance Bass' face in my mind. He looks 13 years old.

Posted by: red at September 18, 2004 01:49 PM

Former Monkee Mike Nesmith produced the feature film Timerider, and it wasn't half bad. This project faces an assortment of issues that one didn't.

Posted by: triticale at September 24, 2004 11:33 PM