December 10, 2003

One Song Gets Played, They All Get Played!

WE WISH TO REGISTER A COMPLAINT about some of the radio stations here in Southern New Hampshire. A full three out of six preset stations on our automobile's FM dial have decided to play Christmas carols on a twenty-four hour basis. This apparent national trend was cute for about the first week after Thanksgiving, but we're starting to get sick of it.

Well, we are sick of it. We'll admit that.

OK, fine. We're now so bloody sick of Christmas music that we get visibly ill whenever we hear some cheap, commercialized, overproduced crap masquerading as a tribute to that holy day.

Now, we do our best to contain our body's horrible, involuntary physical reactions when we hear these Very Special Songs. But we know that, thanks to certain songs, we will one day cause panic when we vomit all over our car's windshield during rush hour traffic. That would be a mild reaction, too -- the type of thing we'd expect if we were inadvertently exposed to yet another bad rendition of "Winter Wonderland" or "Feliz Navidad." And we can assure you that if we hear that frickin' Chipmunks song one more time, we're going to have ourselves forcibly sedated.

And we don't even want to think of our reaction if we hear Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmas Time" again. You know the song -- the really bad mid-Seventies cheesy-synthesizer version. The last time we heard it, it got stuck in our head for three hours. Have you any idea what kind of mental torture that was?

The choir of children sing their song
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding Ohhhh

Three hours, we tell you. Three -- hours!

And it gets worse! We are reliably informed that somewhere out in radioland, disc jockeys have in their possession copies of a Christmas album from Destiny's Child.

Now, we can assure readers that we actually like a lot of that band's music. "Survivor," for instance, is a very catchy song. However, in the interest of research, we decided to listen to one song from their Christmas album. That experience leads us to believe that if we listened to that album in its entirety, we would most certainly get in the spirit of Christmas. If, that is, the true spirit of Christmas involved suffering congestive heart failure.

But we do not mean to single out Destiny's Child -- there are a lot of pop music types doing Christmas remakes, and they all seem similarly miserable. We even heard a rumor that N*SYNC had done some Christmas remakes. However, we know there's no truth to that at all. After all, had they done so, it would have signaled the coming of the Apocalypse.

Despite our complaints, though, rest assured that the radio stations haven't been able to ruin Christmas music entirely for us. We still very much enjoy classic renditions of the old standards -- O Holy Night, We Three Kings of Orient Are, I'll Be Home for Christmas. And no one -- not even Destiny's Child -- could ruin the Carol of the Bells, which we consider the greatest and the best Christmas carol of all.

They got pretty close, though.

(link via Allison, who is similarly sick of the constant Christmas music)

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at December 10, 2003 12:02 AM | TrackBack

I think my very favorite Christmas album of all time is Handel's Young Messiah. I can listen to that non-stop from Thanksgiving until New Years. Oooh. And I love me some Elvis too.

Posted by: Allison at December 10, 2003 10:13 AM