December 06, 2003

Yet Another Compendium of Idiocy

GAD. WE HAD THOUGHT, for a fleeting moment, that we would be allowed to enjoy the Christmas holidays without any notably stupid incidents taking place in society. Sadly, however, a few Americans decided that not even upcoming holy days would keep them from inflicting such things upon us.

Here at The Rant, we are in a particularly annoyed mood tonight for a few reasons. First, the snow is falling heavily, and does not stop. Second, our newly-purchased copy of Sarah McLachlan's latest CD will not jive with our computer's primary music program, and instead defaults to using the advertisement-ridden, third-rate music program which we do not like. Third, we need junk carbohydrates like you wouldn't believe, but Item One has pretty much stopped us from getting those this evening. Fourth, our nerves are shot. Clearly, you can see why we are not exactly happy and joyous.

However, we are going to put this frustration to perfectly good use, and blog about annoying, inexplicable, frustrating and nauseatingly-inane things. Besides, in about thirty minutes, our sedatives will kick in. That means we have a limited window in which to work before we is stoned immaculate.

So! Let us commence!

KICKING OFF the Parade of Madness this evening is the controversy about the poor seven-year-old whose teacher disciplined him after he informed a classmate that his parents are homosexual.

Two things really upset us about this whole situation. The first was that the teacher went way over the top in dealing with a situation that normal people would have left to the parents of the children concerned. The second was the note sent home with the boy; look at it. It is so insulting and downright mean-spirited to the boy's parents, it boggles the mind. It shows a real disdain for parental authority and responsibility, if you ask us.

While we're at it, we note with shock and extreme displeasure that the teacher, while quick to swoop down upon the boy for his spoken words, has apparently done little to correct his skills with written language. To us, the boy's writing in that letter home is even more scary than the letter itself -- for the boy appears, for all intents and purposes, illiterate.

True, he is only seven years old, and one does not want to be so negative about any youngster's educational progress. But while we are confident his present disciplinary woes will be corrected, we are far less hopeful that the folks in charge of his studies will go as far to ensure he can actually write.

NEXT UP on this miserable parade is the case of a Texas woman who became so enraged at not having mayonnaise put on her hamburger that she ran over a hapless restaurant manager.

The good news is that the manager, a productive and God-fearing person, did not die. Also, the woman who ran over the manager will spend 10 years in prison. The bad news is that for one woman's want of mayonnaise -- wretched, evil condiment that it is -- the good people of Texas shall spend hundreds of thousands of dollars keeping this person behind bars. We think a better punishment could have been meted out.

Before we get into that, though -- what is it about some people that they think they can just hurl abuse at service workers, or for that matter, anyone else? Now, we understand that everyone can have a bad day, but for some people it really seems to be a constant part of their personality. It's just uncalled for, and indicative of some true wretchedness in people's hearts.

Anyway, we think the woman should have been sentenced to ten years of flipping hamburgers and forced to repay the manager, the McDonalds Corporation, and any insurers involved for their losses sustained when said woman completely lost it in the drive-thru.

For as that restaurant manager put it so well: "I put the mayonnaise on her burger. I took the onions and the mustard off. What did I do?"

LASTLY, we would suggest filing this item under the "Ah, Shit!" department, in terms of a good story that went to perdition rather quickly. It turns out that the shopper reportedly trampled in a stampede for cheap Chinese DVD players has a history of filing slip-and-fall claims.

The funny thing about the whole incident is that it is entirely plausible that things happened as the shopper and her sister said they did -- but the prior claims now cast a very long shadow of doubt over their story. If so, that would be quite a way to learn a lesson most people pick up at the age of five: don't act like the boy who cries wolf.

That's all for this Compendium of Idiocy installment. In the meantime, we hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and that the weather where you live isn't too awful. Not that we care about our bad weather any more -- woooooo-boy -- it's so damned pretty ...

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at December 6, 2003 11:53 PM | TrackBack