November 11, 2003

Ask a Stupid Question ...

SOME PEOPLE SAY that there are no such things as stupid questions. We here at The Rant know this is patently untrue -- not merely because of our line of work, but because we have a very cool site statistics program. This program, using technological wizadry far beyond our ken, somehow captures all the queries put forth and stores them.

Trust us. There are stupid questions out there. However, as a Public Service to our readers here at The Rant, we are again offering Snappy Answers to YOUR Search Questions. Well, actually not YOUR search questions, because Loyal Rant Readers have no need to search on-site for such things. Rather, these are the search questions of OTHER PEOPLE WHO STUMBLED ACROSS THIS SITE FOR REASONS WE CAN'T EVEN FATHOM.

In any event: let us begin. Search topics are in bold.

big ben

We've heard all the jokes. They're still not funny.

bob guinney

We understand he is on television. Perhaps if you watched that device, you could see more of him. On the other hand, you could always read a book. We would suggest this one.

devastatin dave

You'd find that under the Rap Music Clearly Aimed at White People section.

video immaculate reception

With the Steelers at 2-6, we miss it too. But Gad! what a catch! Thirty-two years later, we still like watching it. Especially since Franco pulled it off against the Raiders.

nude in public

People ought not do such things.

why do we belive in the tooth fairy

The same reason people once believed in universal disarmament back in the Thirties, and the same reason people once believed in a 55 mph speed limit. Speaking of, we still suffer emotional trauma years after we saw a Seventies-era commercial in which a rock musician and an average pleather-wearing guy get into an argument about that issue. ("Seventy!" "FIIIIFFFFFTY-FIVE!") Hence, we hope the rock star, whomever he was, caught social disease.

jesse kepple

This is our younger and more popular brother.

who eat water buffalo

We don't know, but we hope they have plenty of Pepto-Bismol.

guy smoking joint

Not since college, we haven't. And even then, we only toked up three times and we never got high off the stuff. This was because "Ernie," a friend's supplier, was scum.

tanga s jazz

It's in Tampa. We know this because when we were in college, we once attended a conference in Tampa at a luxury hotel. Much to our amusement, this hotel was right across the way from this establishment. We most certainly did not go to what was then the Tanga Lounge there during our trip, but it did become a very, very funny joke at the time.

You had to be there for the joke, we can assure you.

zip zap rap

We understand this CD is a good listen when, as the commercial put it, one wants to sit back and drink an import whilst watching the market reports.

devon aoki profile sex picture

Dude. Go away.

all with toys thomas & friends

Look. Whatever Thomas and friends do in their own bedroom is their own business. Leave us out of it.


Proper names don't have dashes, unless the person in question is a rock musician and thinks he needs to adopt a silly name to sell records.

earning money in middle ages

This was difficult, not only due to the lack of technology and political stability at the time, but also because savings vehicles were non-existent. Also, money as the ancients knew it had generally fallen into disuse due to the feudalist society in place at the time. That feudalist society largely revolved around payment in goods and services as opposed to cash. However, as time went on, things improved dramatically due to the reintroduction of proper coinage, the advent of double-entry bookkeeping, and the introduction of Arabic as opposed to Roman numerals.

That said, if you've invented a time machine, we'd encourage you to go into banking or trading. That was better than being a serf. Just don't loan money to those warmongering monarchs.

underworld corvin 12th century

It was a stupid movie. We told you that already. Go watch "Lost in Translation" instead.

clubbing baby seals

Well! You, sir, have just won yourself a complimentary drink from Benjamin Kepple's Daily Rant. When we go whaling next November, we'll make sure to let you know. Bring your harpoon, and a good winter coat -- it gets cold out on the Gulf of Maine.

That's it for now -- but tune in a couple weeks for more Snappy Answers to YOUR -- um, NOT YOURS, BUT OTHER PEOPLE'S Search Questions!

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at November 11, 2003 12:43 AM | TrackBack

Heck, half of those searches were mine, doncha know!

And the Steelers, on the strength of a one game winning streak, are now 3 and 6! They've got their prime time debut next week as well. 10 and 6 is not out of the question, my friend...

Posted by: Kevin White at November 11, 2003 03:06 AM

Oh. Well, Kevin, if you include the win over the Cardinals on Sunday the Steelers are indeed 3-6. Oops. But I ask you -- does a win over Arizona really count? :-D

Posted by: Benjamin Kepple at November 11, 2003 07:08 AM