October 05, 2003

Where Have I Been, You Wonder


We here at The Rant must apologize to our legions of loyal readers for not really updating over the past week. Oh, sure, we had that tiny little brief on Friday night talking about Jean Chretien, but that really doesn't count at all, now does it? No, it does not.

Anyway, we have had one of those weeks. No, really -- we have had one of those weeks. We are talking a week so bad that we half-expected Rod Serling to step out of the shadows here at Rant headquarters and deliver a long soliloquy as we were blogging.

Mr SERLING: "Meet Benjamin Kepple, a little-known writer in a medium-sized modern American city. Little does he know, as he sits there wheezing and gasping, recovering from an internal malady, that external forces will soon deliver him into a nightmarish world of fear and frustration. A world we call The Twilight Zone."

Now, we admit that this may be a bit of an exaggeration. OK, it is. Things truly weren't that bad. We have not experienced things that would make us suspect divine forces had decided to make us a successor to Job. Still, what really amazed us was that there were a number of little not-good things that went along with the major not-good happenings; things that truly made us realize It Was Certainly Not Going to Be Our Week. Whether it was our chronic inability to pump gas for an even dollar amount at the service station, or Michigan's inexcusable loss to Iowa, or the botched delivery of our dinner one night, or our spilling things in the kitchen, it all added up. The icing on the cake, perhaps, was on Friday.

We were returning a DVD to our useless local video store. As the establishment was closed at that time in the morning, we were forced to use the outside hatch which lets patrons return their videos outside the store's operating hours. We were checking to see whether the DVD was in fact the DVD we had rented, and not one of our favorite war films, when we found ourselves struggling with the cheap plastic case it was in.

Pop! goes the case. Out! goes the DVD. Into the nearby public ashtray.

We then stared at the cursed thing for a good minute or so in wonderment. For clearly it was a sign; a sign telling us that we were going to be in it for the long haul. But lo! we can assure our readers that we are in quite high spirits. Quite high spirits, indeed.

For we have noticed in our lives that when things go poorly for an extended period of time, they snap back with amazing force sooner or later. God willing it will be sooner, but who can say? In the meantime, we know that with the support of all those very near and dear to us, we shall make it through; and that all will be well in the end. And so on, until morning.

No, really. That's not sarcasm. We are doing quite well.

Of course, we realize that this long explanatory will do little to nothing to answer the key question loyal Rant readers are undoubtedly wondering, which is: when will The Rant resume normal operations?

Pretty soon, we'd say. We're thinking Tuesday. No, really. Tuesday.

We can say with relative certainty that this week, we will have updates on some pretty good writing printed in overseas publications; some long essays on social phenomena here in the United States; and a Bad Cinema with Ben update. Saucy!

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at October 5, 2003 11:36 PM | TrackBack