August 22, 2003

Oh, Joy!

Good news on the blogging front today, everyone -- we not only found ourselves a good new blogger, we found ourselves close to cheering after reading one of his essays.

It seems that this blogger, who like many bloggers frustrates our style guidelines here at The Rant because he only goes by one name, is sick and tired of the controversy surrounding the idea of a "metrosexual." A metrosexual, for those of you unaware of this term, is a modern, urban-dwelling heterosexual man who takes care with his dress and other style-oriented details of his life. Our blogger, whom one learns we address as "Dan," argues that this phenomenon is crap:

Forgive my hissy fit, but please! Stop it! There is no plague of metrosexuals in the cities. Men have always had their vain contingent. (Let us remember the Spartans who made sure to carefully braid their hair before battle.) There is something aggressivly heterosexual about guys who wear mohawks or pierce their faces in a fit of what appears to be neurotic attention to style. It is in fact mere aggressive vanity and typically male egotism.

If there is a plague of anything, it's not men who are dandies, but a proliferation of slobs. Office Casual has bloated and spread over the country like an expanding jelly-donut stain. Everywhere you look, men are mis-matched jamokes with Baby Huey-sized pants, chunks of metal through their faces, ill-fitting T-shirts and piracy-inspired facial hair. I resent being tagged at looking "queer" just for wearing, say, a pressed button-down shirt instead of a Dos-Equis T-shirt.

Dan? Bravissimo.

We do have one quibble, however. Because we here at The Rant are reactionary elitists, we do not consider mohawk hairstyles or face piercing to be signs of stylishness. Rather, we consider persons with such physical accoutrements to be uncouth and barbaric. Still, we must say that we're glad to see that we're not alone in thinking things are getting a bit out of hand these days.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at August 22, 2003 09:03 PM | TrackBack

I wonder what the folks at the rant would make of the recent trend toward *tongue-splitting.* >

Anyway, one can be neatly dressed and clean-shaven (with no facial metal, tattoos, or rock music-inspired hairstyles) without being fastidious about facial creams, fingernail-strengthening treatments, or the pros and cons of this all-day spa vs. that all-day spa, or worrying about getting a little dirty or developing a callous on the hand. There are more than two types of heterosexual men.

Posted by: Kevin White at August 23, 2003 05:46 AM

I myself am old-fashioned enough to believe that all men SHOULD wear facial hair, and that there is something suspicious about anyone without it.

But that's just me. :-)

Posted by: Dean Esmay at August 24, 2003 12:50 AM

Sure, sure, I think "being clean-shaven" and "wearing facial hair" can co-exist.

I can grow a beard in about a day and a half, so I'm often changing my look from no facial hair to goatee to trimmed beard...

Posted by: Kevin White at August 24, 2003 09:50 AM

uncouth and barbaric?? i think you're just soo full of shit that it's coming out the wrong way... your mouth, you fag.
why don't you worry more about why your wife isn't hitting you up at night, or giving you an STD or something, live your life, and stop worrying about what other people want to express themselves...
since when was it a crime to be yourself?
and no i am not ignorant, you are

Posted by: Michelle at May 14, 2004 11:28 PM