August 20, 2003

ELDER: "Into one of the Outer Circles of Hell."

IF YOU DON'T read Kirk Elder in The Scotsman every single time the man writes a column, then you definitely ought to begin doing so. In Mr Elder's latest essay, he examines that unpleasant sport we call cycling. I present two out-takes as prima facie evidence that you ought to read him as much as you can:

I AM not, by nature, a sportsman. I was raised to believe that every moment discharged in athletic activity was a moment which could have been better spent in gloomy contemplation. Not for me the nauseous rushing of adrenalin, the happy slapping of victorious team-mates, or the homo-erotic lapping of the communal bath ...

My own enjoyment of cycling has never stretched to treating it as a sport. My bicycle, a 1960s Raleigh Sport, was named as a provocation to the Trade Descriptions Act, as its frame is fashioned from 24-carat lead, and its wheels from the finest mahogany. The tyres are made of solid India rubber, and the Sturmey-Archer gears have three settings: Agony, Inner Turmoil and Dropkick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts of Life.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at August 20, 2003 07:45 PM | TrackBack
Comments

I was first introduced to The Scotsman by you a few months ago, and I have been enjoying their Opinion section ever since. I wish such wit was present at my local newspaper.

Posted by: Aaron W. Thorne at August 21, 2003 07:46 AM