I realized this evening that it has been something on the order of three years since I've had an honest-to-God date. Three. Freaking. Years.
Now this lack of dating on my part isn't, I think, a sign that I am not "all that and a bag of chips" (although the girls I have dated would likely say otherwise). Really, when it comes right down to it, a key reason for my lack of dating is that I have been too busy doing other things.
In Los Angeles, I was too busy scheming to move Back East, and I was disillusioned with California girls anyway. Here in Manchester, I find that I throw myself into my work both at the office and here at home.
Of course, working too much isn't the only reason. It doesn't help that the few times I have gone out here, I've felt pretty out-of-my-skin. I detest trying to meet a woman in a bar, because both of us have probably had a bit too much; and that's about all I've found in the way of venues around here. Add to this the fact that ... well, to be perfectly honest ... I'm not all that and a bag of chips.
I'm not merely talking about the physical imperfections: I mean, I can't for the life of me seem to figure out the type of things that will make me seem "keen" and "with it." To be honest again, my pickup lines are no good, and my conversation has been pretty boring as of late. In short, I am in a slump worse than a major-leaguer who just found out he got slapped down to the minors.
But am I going to let this stop me? No! I shall valiantly press on with trying to meet a Nice Girl Who Will, After a Reasonable Period of Time, Agrees to Marry Me and Have a Family and Such. I am going to Get Back in the Game. I am going to succeed at this, come Hell or high water!
Say. Anyone else smell sulphur?
In any event, this leads me into my question of the day.
Now you should know that I was over at Sheila's fine site recently and have very much enjoyed her description of her dates with the Nice Irish Fellow Who Shall Remain Nameless. (Actually, if you haven't been reading Sheila's site, you really ought to do so).
Now, naturally, because I am human, I want to share my stories about how my eventual dates have gone. The trouble is how to broach this subject with a girl I date.
After all, I'm a writer. It's going to come out eventually that yes, I do happen to have my own Web site, and yes, it draws a semi-respectable amount of Internet traffic. If I write about our dates and I don't tell her, she will a) find out about it anyway; b) concoct some sort of mediaeval torture especially for me and my vital organs; and, worst of all, c) inform every other woman in New England that I am a cad. And as we all know, once a man gets on that list, he basically has to move to Europe.
Now, I already know that I wouldn't refer to my date by name, merely with an appellation that describes her. This appellation would basically run something like "Foxy (Personality Descriptive Word)(Career/Occupation Descriptive Word) Girl."
But I'm worried that she would completely freak out were I to bring up the matter. I mean, I can see this type of thing happening:
ME: You know, I really had a lot of fun tonight. Can I give you a call sometime?
FOXY GIRL: Sure.
ME: Cool. Say, do you mind if I blog this?
ME: You know, blog our date. On my Web site!
FG: You never told me you had a Web site!
ME: Well, I was meaning to tell you, and ...
FG: I can't believe it! How could I have been so stupid as to think you were ACTUALLY NORMAL?!
ME: No, no, I'm not going to go into particulars, I just want to ...
FG: You make me want to throw up!
ME: Now look, it's really not what you're thinking. I can close out the comments section, and ...
FG: COMMENTS SECTION? Oh, great, so now you're going to have a committee judge our date?
ME: It's not a committee!
FG: I think I'm going to faint.
ME: What! Well, here, let ...
FG: Why, you! ...
ME: OUCH! Look! I don't have to do this, I just wanted your permission first, that's all!
FG: I'll bet you've already posted about the first date we went on! I can't believe I agreed to go out on a second with ... you.
ME: Well, no one's perfect, are they? (wince)
Clearly, this is a situation I want to avoid. So what I've decided in the interim is to keep things quiet until I get to the All-Important Third Date. By this time, we will both know if I need to start saving up for an engagement ring just in case, and by then I should have enough of a handle on things to actually ask. However, if anyone out there has any advice on that or any other aspects of dating, I would appreciate it. At this point in the game, I could use it.Posted by Benjamin Kepple at June 23, 2003 02:02 AM | TrackBack