June 01, 2003

Depression-Era Technology Now Chic

We have learned this evening that the good, fine people at Fossil Inc. have developed a wrist-watch that doubles as a "personal digital assistant." Users of this product can store addresses and telephone numbers, write memoranda, update to-do lists, and do other productive tasks -- and all for just $295.

Now, we here at The Rant are sure this device was developed with the best of intentions, and the good people at Fossil Inc. are honorable businessfolk simply out to make a living for themselves. But let's be clear. Not only do we here at The Rant see absolutely no use for such devices, we find them abhorrent and repellent in nature.

I mean, Gad. Clearly the introduction of this device means that we as a society have started to slide down some sort of slippery technological slope.

Consider that this is the first such device of its size and scope to be put on the market. Soon our engineers will realize the decades-old dream of creating wrist telephones, complete with technology that would put Dick Tracy's old wrist-radio to shame. It will then be only a matter of time before the marketers will ruin this technology with suggestive advertisements, useless features, and calling plans that not even an auditor for the Internal Revenue Service could understand.

You do see where I'm going with this, right? People! These devices will not bring you freedom! These devices, and all the others that will come after them, will only lead us all farther along into some sort of horrible Bradburian dystopia, a dystopia in which God-fearing men and women are bombarded with obnoxious, decadent advertisements for dental products, reality television shows, and sexually-tinged magazines.

Therefore, I call on all right-thinking people to reject these and other invasive forms of technology that have enslaved us to their tinny beeps and cutesy chimes.

Well, everything except for my Instant Messaging. As the commercial put it, I can't live without my Instant Messaging.

Posted by Benjamin Kepple at June 1, 2003 10:10 PM

Hmmm. I bought a watch at Radio Shack about five years ago that had all those features except the ability to exchange its data with other watches - $13.15.

Posted by: John Anderson at June 6, 2003 06:48 PM